Thursday, December 24, 2009

Prelude To A New Beginning




"Every man should be born again on the first day of January.  Start with a fresh page.  Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. " ~Henry Ward Beecher
 
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New beginnings are always difficult at first. Uncomfortable- like a shoe that doesn't fit right. Like a new taste in your mouth that you're afraid to swallow.
But you do.
Sometimes in tiny sips at first, then with giant gulps. But each day it gets easier and tastes better... and you keep drinking. Because you know that not beginning- not moving forward- is like slowly dying of thirst.
New beginnings are like strapping on a backpack of dreams and heading down a road with no map. The only compass you have is your soul- its needle fluttering in your heart like a lost bird. But you think to yourself that if you ever find your way- your footing- your destiny- then your wings will spread and soar. That there will be no limits on what you can do and where you can go and who you can be.
New beginnings can be exciting- like sweet air that has never been breathed. Of eyes that see clearer- and of faith that has been renewed.
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       "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."  ~Anatole France                                                

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There is a vast difference between a resolution and a promise. Resolutions are merely wishes- meant to be broken- mostly quick thoughts made on a whim- hopes of things that might change.
But promises are the vows you make to yourself. Your body. Your being. You seriously know that it's no longer play time or dress rehearsal- that this time the promises are real. And your life will be changed completely.
At the onset, change is selfish. All encompassing and self-centered. But success depends on shutting out the undesirable, the tempting, the wicked and the lazy.
Our focus must be on ourselves- at least for a little while.
But like a great river, once you grow and change, your life will branch out in a hundred generous fingers- touching other lives that are made even better by your transformation.
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"Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year.  Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols."  ~Thomas Mann

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I've spent months looking for the right place to start. The best day to open the gate and begin sprinting.
It was like losing the end of the scotch tape- I kept rolling it over and over in my mind- pecking at pieces- unraveling a little bit here and there- and then giving up completely. Excuses have kept me from finding the starting place, even though it was here all along- like a shadow that needed only to be seen.
Here it is.
And it is now.
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"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched.  Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."  ~Ellen Goodman

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The ten areas of life that I am going to focus on will be at random. There will be days when my marriage is perfect, my creativity is in tune, my family is happy. But there will be the days my house is a mess, my finances are shot, my diet is out of control and I look like a bag lady.
Each day I will improve on the things that come to me in need. Although I will be aware of all ten-( at all times )- ready to give attention to anything out of whack -of a puzzle piece that gives me trouble and refuses to fit.
                                                   
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 "The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes..."  ~G.K. Chesterton
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By no means am I saying that I know the rules- that I know the secrets and the path to make it all easy. I am only here to tell you my route- my experiments- my participation and my struggles.
I am not here to win the race, set the bar, or write the song. I am just here to better myself in all ways possible... For life is short and we are mortal.
There will be times I'll fall flat on my face, pull up short, veer off course, lose my bearings and sit down in the middle of the road and cry.
But this time - this year -I will never stop trying.
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"God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars. " ~Elbert Hubbard